So I think I prefer...

So I think I prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning. I'm talking 12, 1, 2 in the morning. The further I push the better I think I'm writing. I might not be writing better and it might just be because my judgement is skewed by fatigue.  It might be because it reminds me of college when I would put off writing assignments- the very death of me; assignments I never looked forward to- and end up writing them late at night.  I always ended up pulling them off though and I think it's because of the added pressure.  I have a sneaking suspicion that I enjoy writing this late because I finally get to unwind from the day and turn my sarcasm filter off.  It's exhausting trying to not insult anyone 24 hours a day.

So not to totally poop all over the sanctity of marriage, since I do plan on getting married one day and having a family.  A really big family in fact, I'm talking like 4 little squirts running around causing my husband and I to pull our hair out and never sleep.  I want to be driven crazy by scheduling soccer practices and piano lessons and that one problem kid's parent/teacher conference all in the same day.  I would love to be so busy with my life that when I get a chance to breathe it's 10x sweeter since I gave up the last chance to rest to make it to the last 10 minutes of whatever gymnastics event or science fair that I wasn't going to make it to just to support my kids. I want a busy and crazy life... but not right now.  Everyone that just graduated college is in such a hurry to move along with their lives and it isn't even all the engagements and weddings that inspired me tonight, it was actually someone else reaction to their social circle going through the same thing. I just read a blog post about the 'blah blah blah 23 things to do before you turn 23' instead of getting married and really it just kinda sounded like someone that was desperate to convince themselves that they have power over the fact that they haven't found the person they want to spend their life with. I say if you've found them, power to you.  I do like the idea of a long drawn out engagement at our age but do it up. Show the world how much you love each other and all the luck in the world staying together (and I really mean it).

The things that resonated through me the most in this previously mentioned blog post was her speaking to the fact that you change so much in your 20s.  I could not agree more.  As I'm going through it myself and really coming into the person I want to be in my early twenties I start to think about who I was and who I will be.  So here they are *drum roll please*, the much anticipated  things I love about myself and my life as a twenty something:

1) I love so much right now that I have control of my own life. There is no answering to anyone. If I want to have ice cream for breakfast- I can. If I want to get stoned and watch the entire 4th season of the League all day Saturday instead of doing grad school applications- I can. If I want to wake up tomorrow morning and pack up my car and drive until I don't have anymore money for gas- I sure as heck can. I probably won't- but I could if I wanted to.

2) I love so much right now how much my friends feel like family.  I know everyone, at every age always says that, but right now just coming back from a family holiday on the same night my friends and I had our holiday party that it's an easy choice.  Don't get me wrong- I love my family and spending time with them, but being with my drunk crazy friends exchanging gifts you could only buy at Goodwill while trashing my apartment was just more my speed. (And before you tear yourself into a frenzy over what I got- it's a blue light saber, a close second to the poster of the dinosaurs and the hideous lamp shaped like a creepy pig). Either way right now I know that my friends have my back in every decision I make right now, no matter how stupid, and that feels good.

3) I love how much life is an adventure. This past summer was in the top 5 of my lifetime. #1 being the summer between my junior and senior year in college by a landslide (freshly entering the life of a 21 year old and pyrotechnics made for an interesting 3 months to say the least).  One specific memory I have from that summer was when one of my friends called me from Connecticut inviting me to go down and go surfing for the weekend.  I had only been surfing once in my life (twice now) but I figured it would be fun so I packed up a bag, grabbed another friend and took off. Now long story short we ended up doing more driving and drinking than actual surfing that weekend but regardless it was spontaneous and fun.

Now. This is starting to sound like a sappy buzzfeed article so I'd like to say thanks for reading and I'm sorry that I ended up straying from the original topic. Although I'm not that sorry since clearly it doesnt upset me that much that people are getting engaged early (see what I meant in my first post about writing to understand my own thoughts- I think we're getting somewhere with this, people). I've also come up with a million dollar idea: what if there was a channel on television that showed all of the best cute animal videos from the internet. Until then, here's a pug in a swing..

So I was at this bar...

So I was at this bar right... and it was December 28th.  Now I feel like December 28th is the perfect time of year for greetings, with everyone visiting each other and what not. So I walk into this bar, one of which I am familiar at- at least enough that the bartender can sit on my couch and watch a football game with me and it's no big deal. So I walk into this bar and without even a second thought I run behind the bar and give the bartender a big hug.  Now mind you, other than the occasional brush of the hand when we both reach for the remote, we've had very little physical contact with each other- but something about this hug seemed very natural..

Now this hug, to him was just in passing but in my crazy fucked up mind it started a chain reaction of unanswered questions. Now don't go thinking I wasn't hugged as a child or anything, I just had some simple questions about the experience, especially with what happened next.  But what was it that provoked this hug? We've gone longer than the 4 days I went home without seeing each other and upon those reunions there was no hug. Was it because I was in a different state? No, I've gone home and back without over the top celebrations upon my return.  There is nothing sexual between us. In fact he is my roommate's long time boyfriend and he and I have always just been bros. Are hugs reserved for those we hold dearest to our hearts or should they be spread around like glitter?  I came to the conclusion that it really has every thing to do with the date.

December 28th:
It's right by the holidays- when every one is hello-ing and goodbye-ing family and friends that brings out a very affectionate side of them.  I missed the hell out of some people for the 4 days I was gone and as soon as I could I jumped into their arms and while recounting, the 96 hours I was in a different zip code, I informed them that we would never be apart that long again.  Now back to this chain of questions a simple hug created in my mind. Soon after I witnessed something happen in the bar.  I witnessed a reunion of some sorts. I can only imagine by the way the girls howled at each other and jumped up and down that it must've been a reunion of months? maybe a year? Which is actually irrelevant, what matters most to my story is what happened after.  After the hugging, the screaming, the oh my god-ing... there was a simple conversation along the lines of 'so what are you doing now?.. Oh! Very cool! How about yourself?.. Oh! Wild!' and after that... *crickets*. Pure unadulterated, cut it with a knife silence.  Neither one of them had anything else to say! Now call me crazy but don't you plan to meet up with people when you, oh I don't know, want to have a conversation with them?? Or is it all about the hug? The hello hug, the goodbye hug and the ability to recount when you go back to your casual friends that you got to see blah-blah-blah and how wonderful they are doing with their lives (or is that only my mom who brags about the people she sees? anyone? anyone?)

I think people need more human contact in their lives so the next time you see a person in need of a hug dive right in. And when you get arrested tell the police officer to bring it in. It's probably been a while since he's had an opportunity to fake excitement to see someone that he lost contact with on purpose, just to create a fake reunion with just so that he can feel better about his life and where he is in it.  This post feels forced.. is it forced?? Either way- hug your neighbor today! even if it means a lawsuit ;)

first post

So with a little encouragement from my uncle I've decided to write down some of my thoughts. I have a very list orientated way of thinking about things so I'm hoping this will be a good way of organizing my thoughts as well as understanding some of them.

I've always thought 'who am I to assume that people want to read about my experiences? Like maybe they might be more interesting than any others...' and this is NOT what that is about.  I love hearing about other people's experiences and if you (and 'you' being the very few I'm assuming are taking the time to read my drawn out thoughts) are anything like me, then just maybe you might enjoy reading about some of the things that happen in my life.  Since I've always had a little bit of self diagnosed ADD and the destruction college and age have done to my brain I'm having a difficult time using my memory.  The later is especially important to me since I am so in love with the way my life is going right now I want to remember it forever.

Just a small bit about me and what to expect from this:

1) This is me and my parents dog, Taylor, with whom I am utterly obsessed.  Unfortunately I only get to see him sporadically so when I'm home he will probably be the subject of any post.

2) Because of my aforementioned ADD mind there may be very few posts if this is something I get bored with. Although don't let the large spaces between posts fool you.  I have a tendency to get some writers block... but I'll be back

3) If you know me personally then you'll know that I'm a very sarcastic, cynical person who had a tendency to rant so I'd like to apologize in advance to anyone who I may insult with anything I write here (but secretly I hope they never read it, since being the sarcastic person I am, I know how quickly a relationship can go south by misunderstood sarcastic ranting- something I should work on... maybe writing about my feelings will help to not do this as much in real life- here I go, see what I mean?)

This is getting to long for me to handle so I'll be back with my first real thoughts of the day but I'll leave you with something comical since I have a strong belief that humor can change the world...