I've done it again...

I've done it again.  I went and asked all of my friends the question I should have been asking myself all along.  And instead of just sitting down and writing about it, I just spent the past few weeks interviewing as many of the people, who's opinions I value, as I can on the topic.  I've been obsessed, recently with the difference between fear and danger.  And when I say obsessed.. I mean OBSESSED.
I want to know what to do with each one of them.
I want to know what each one of them feels like in my body.
I want to know what each feels like in other people's bodies.
I want to know what people's relationship is with both of them.
I even want to know what people think the world would be like without them.

Fear has such an interesting place in our society.  To us and our monkey brains, it's perceived danger, right?  But, what one person perceives against another, can be wildly different.  One person thinks that their most fearful act is to jump off of a 50 foot cliff, while another, would do that no problem.. but are terrified to tell someone how they feel about them.  And you know what's funny?  Most of the time when it's pure, true, clean, fear isn't not actually dangerous.  Sure jumping off of a cliff is frightening, and has it's risks, but to someone who has done it countless times, that fear may not go away completely, but the danger certainly reduces.
I've heard fearlessness defined not as the absence of fear, but the total presence of fear with the courage to face it, which is so beautiful to me.  I think there is real work in recognition of fear, not as something that should be ran from, but instead as an indicator that we are pointed in the right direction.  I asked my friend Hannah what she thought of fear, and her answer was exactly the reason why I love her so much.  'To me- I charge towards fear.  I see something that could be difficult, or overwhelming, or challenging, and it has to take a lot for me not to say yes and go into it.  And yeah, sometimes it causes me some problems, but I always learn so much from it, and I know this sooo much about myself, that I haven't found a good reason yet, not to say yes to fear...'  What a gal, huh?  My relationship with fear has been a work in progress.  I used to buckle under fear.  At least the emotional kind.  Throwing myself down a mountain on 2 pieces of wood strapped to my feet- no problem.  Barrel down the same mountain on metal frame with 2 wheels- again, no problem.  Well, not no problem, but to me the perception of risk for these activities was so low because I had done it so many times.  I grew up on those pieces of wood, I had been balancing on that metal frame since I was a toddler.  Does that mean when I would come across a dangerous section of the trail in front of me, that I wouldn't take care of myself and go around it?  Of course not, but I never payed any attention to the difference.  Emotional fear was different.  The first time that I didn't listen to my intuition about emotional fear, it turned into danger.. go figure.  So later on when that perception of risk crept in, I would turn into one of those cartoon characters that leaves only the dust outline of their figure behind.  What a way to live, right?

I've heard that fear halts growth.  Fear is something that is meant to be overcome.  Why?  Because of the feeling on the other side of fear.  The overwhelming sense of pride, joy, and release from the bind of fear is so irresistible that we almost can't help ourselves.  So, how then, do we know the difference?
No, actually- I'm asking..
If fear is perceived danger, and danger is the possibility of suffering harm or injury, and we're supposed to run from one, and charge towards the other, how do we tell the difference?

Since the place that I seemed to have the most luck determining the difference is on the ski hill, or the bike track, I started there.  When I would come across an aspect that looked difficult or that I had never done, I would close my eyes, take a breath, and open them again.  If I felt it in my stomach and curiosity snuck in, I knew I was afraid and this was an aspect that I was meant to overcome.  If I felt it in my heart and I could only think of what could go wrong, this aspect wasn't for me.  And, it started working!  Not without some room for error of course, but that's when Hannah comes in and I learn what I can from the situation- aka face plant.  So now comes the work.  We have already established that there are metaphors in the sports world, and if your not following me, here is the link.  Here it is again, just in case.  So, good, now that we've recognized that- we work on listening to those same cues in other parts of our lives.  Mental, emotional, career..  And I'm using the collective we.  Actually, I'm mostly using the 'listen to yourself Bunn'- but this is why I write.

I also think it's worth exploring what the world might look like in the absence of fear.  Not in the absence of danger.  Only fear.  How would that look?  'Well, we would have people throwing themselves off of cliffs'.  Right, we already have that.  But we would also have a lot more people unafraid of applying for a job they might not have previously, or falling in love with someone who isn't their type, or learning how to fly one of those little 2 passenger airplanes that are so cool.  And, what a tremendous world that would be.  When you think about all of the little things that could go wrong in my new world where fear is unavailable, don't forget to put this idea into perspective.  My friend Robin asked me 'Don't you think there would be a lot more annoyance from people always telling each other how they feel?  Like if my patience is wearing thin with you and I tell you that, it hurts your feelings.'  Right, but if the world started off this way then we wouldn't know the difference.  And, what a relief right?  Trying to figure out where you stand with people is such an anxiety producer, imagine a world without that..
I do think, though, that a world without fear would eventually perpetuate the analytical class.  Those that sit back and watch the first person jump off the cliff are less likely to do it if the first person experiences danger or death.  So then, we end up with a world full of watchers.  But is that not where we are now?  To some extent?  Aren't we all sitting here saying, you shouldn't do that, you shouldn't ride your bike down that mountain, you shouldn't run the country this way, you shouldn't dream about something that could never exist- but then we don't do anything about it, because we are afraid that our action isn't the right one.  Or is that just me?

Either way, I think that we (I) can and should learn from the Hannah's of the world.  Those who's relationship with fear is to say: ok fear, I see you.  But I only see you as an obstacle, not as a road block.  And when I've mistakenly stumbled upon danger instead of fear .. that's a learning opportunity.