So being in a country where everyone is 'with Jesus' has been an interesting situation. One thing I've been forced to do through all of this is face my beliefs. In a place where the 'word of the lord' is all that you need in life, you better damn well be ready to defend yourself when you answer 'no' to the question 'do you go to church?' I've had to explain myself enough that I've pretty much got it down. I believe in living a moral life. I believe in spirituality. And I believe that humans need a guide. We can't do it alone. And for some people religion is a fantastic answer. I don't believe in organized religion as a weapon for spreading hate, however. Yes, I know, not every pastor preaches hate in their sermons and I have definitely read enough about ISIS to know that they do not represent Islam as a whole, but when you are no longer accepting of me because I worship a different God, or worship God differently than you- we've got problems. Seeing the world differently is not a sin and I don't deserve to be killed or condemned because of it. I am entitled to my opinion just as you are and if you choose to be insulted by this then that is exactly what you are doing, choosing to be insulted.
Sorry getting off topic a little bit, but its important. I know, I know- that's great and all Lisa, but what does it have anything to do with your Pop?
Well, I learned a lot about living by a certain code (not in a creepy Dexter way), and a moral life from my father. And he learned it from his father. My Pop, who we lost recently. It used to make me so angry growing up when my father would stubbornly stick to his morals but I'm realizing that this has given me a path to (roughly) follow. And you know what, I consider myself very lucky that it came directly from some one I love. A few conversations you should know about with Pop so that you can fully understand what I mean. When Pop organized an entire 21 person vacation for my family in 2011 he was giving a toast. He stood up at one end of a very long table and in this toast to his whole family and he said 'whatever you do in life, help people'. Then just recently, I was visiting him in Chicago for Thanksgiving. Almost exactly a year ago now. And I was struggling with patient care during my dietetic internship. Who better to ask for advice than the guru himself. I needed to explain to him that I was having trouble reading doctors notes about patients along with the stigmas that the media has placed on chronic illness, and who is at fault. All of this while not passing judgement on them before our interviews- I asked him what he thought. 'We must not pass judgement on others' he said. 'But how Pop? How?' And all he kept saying was 'we must not judge others,' like it was so easy for him. Then I realized, maybe it wasn't that easy. But it was that simple.
So I was struggling early in the week when one of the other volunteers was receiving what seemed like special treatment. She was getting carted around the country, with lunches and souvenirs bought for her, under the justification that she was spending her own inherited money to be here. Well imagine how insulted I felt hearing this when I was, in fact, doing the exact same thing. (And to be fair, she is much younger than I am and I have been carted once this trip- see trip to Krisan. But it's not the act, as life always goes, it's the justification of the act). I am just here trying to make my grandfather proud of his granddaughter and trying to help people..
I spent a rough few days fighting these feelings when it dawned upon me. What would Pop tell me if I came to him with this situation? And all I could think about is how simple his answers were in the past when I came to him with other problems. So now I sit here, the weight of heavy emotions lifted, knowing, without a doubt in my mind that he is proud of what I am doing. And that's all need.
Happy Birthday Dad!
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