So I haven't written a lot recently...

So I haven't written a lot recently, but it's only because I had nothing to write about.  As nauseating as it sounds I didn't have a lot of drama going on in my life so I had nothing to rant about and I'm not creative to come up with other funny shit.....but then is happened upon me.  So I'm watching a scary movie at my friends house, which is a fucking story in itself- so we watch a good amount of scary movies which means a few things 1) most of the movies on netflix and any recent and decently good ones, we've seen which brings me to number 2) we can't even remember which ones we've seen.  Now granted we've watched so many by now that we mix up titles like insidious and the conjuring (both good ones that I recommend, especially insidious.. I mean the conjuring).

So we finally end up choosing a movie. It was called the orphanage and it was in spanish with english subtitles........ I know! So eventually I can't take it an more and I make everybody in the room turn it off.  We end up discussing the movie and end up on the topic what the characters should and should not have done.  Which ends up remind me of these rules that my friends and I had back in high school that we would get super angry about and yell at the tv while we thought we were being so super cool staying up all night eating pizza and watching scary movies- I know, really cool right?

So we discussed the rules of scary movies and they are:

1) NEVER split up! - dumbest thing ever! Like c'mon all of the groups that split up and up dead.
a) along the same lines- don't pick up hitchhikers or add people to your group. Like really??

2) Don't be black.

3) If there is a creepy gas station I would suggest avoiding it and moving on the the next one that probably won't give you directions to some torture  chamber- just saying. In general I would suggest avoiding all creepy locals

4) Don't go snooping around other peoples stuff.  It's impolite and their stuff might be haunted.

5) Never ask 'who's there?'. It's never going to help you in the long run, forget about the fact that you just totally gave your own position away but even if they do answer- what are you hoping they say? 'Oh, it's just me.  The really super scary dude that is here to kill you/haunt you/cut you into a million pieces and if I'm really fucked up I might make you do it'. Then you're just like 'Umm no please?'

6) If a town is abandon, then it probably is for a reason. Don't go setting up your camp there and just hoping for the best.

7) Dead people always lurch.
a) but don't always go assuming that they are dead. they never are.

8) When the power goes out, it's never because of the fuse box- you might as well save yourself the trouble and not go into the basement. But it inevitably will so make sure your cell phone is always charged.

9) I'm all about physical relations between two consenting people, and even spicing it up with a location change, but once you've decided there is a creepy demon presence or murder inside you house it might not be the best time so keep it in your pants. And speaking of inappropriate places to be doing things, same situation might not be the best time for a nap/shower/changing your clothes

and the final rule issssss....:10) Don't be an idiot- c'mon people lets be smart about this... you've got some sort of demon/monster/dude with an axe/murder following you and you need to live through this, let's use our heads about ALL of the decisions we make from here on out.

So there you have it... the rules of life if you find yourself in a scary movie situation and want to live through it. I'm glad the writers block was gone for long enough for me to get those written down and out to the public.