Instead of going through the details of our day by day experience, I'm going to take the structure from one of the posts on a friend's blog (Hey Casey!) and do a little 'quotes from my notes' post.
"What's the journal for?" -Carol
"...it's for you!" -Sarah
-On all of our pre-trip check lists the retreat kept telling us not to forget our notebooks and a pen. For me, this was a given. I've had this blog since 2013 in an attempt to write down my thoughts and remember this period of my life, but I also started keeping a journal after Alaska. It's helped me so incredibly that I sometimes forget that others don't journal all the time. I use it to doodle in, to write down my intentions for each day, and to try and process. Things happen so rapidly these days, I feel like I just need to write some of them down in an attempt to understand them. Like I said, bringing a notebook to Panama was a no brainer for me, I actually spent almost an hour picking out the perfect one for 2018 :)
'United Conformation: MKZW25' -me
-This one is only in there because I had to put that stupid confirmation code into the united app, and punch into the phone so many times during the first 12 hours of traveling. More on that here if you didn't read my first post.
'Release from 2017: the idea that my story isn't worth telling.
Intention for 2018: Openness ▲ Curiosity' -me
-The first journal exercise that we did as a group was to write down something that we wanted to release from 2017, and an intention for 2018. These were mine. Because I had already done plenty of reflecting on the New Year, my intentions for 2018 were wayyy easier then what I had to release. It took me a while to come up with it, and when I finally realized what had made my 2017 so life changing, was the fact that I started sharing my story with others, the next logical step was for me to leave that behind.
'In human affairs of danger and delicacy successful conclusion is sharply limited by hurry. So often men trip by being in a rush.' -John Steinbeck, East of Eden
-In other words; slow down, don't be in so much of a rush all the time. I was reading East of Eden during the trip and jotted this one down one day while sun worshipping by the pool with Sarah. Any one that has been abroad, especially to Africa, has experienced 'Africa time'. No one is on time to anything there, no one is in a hurry to get anywhere or do anything. I've heard the same of the Caribbean islands. They've realized that it's not going to make you any happier to worry about punctuality, and in our case.. the beach wasn't going anywhere.
'Ultimately, I try hard, just to not be a dick. And I think however anyone gets there is fine with me' -Laura
-I was talking with a midwestern real estate agent in her 50s/ practicing Buddhist about organized religion and this came out of her. In context, she was unhappy with the way most organized religions ostracize each other... I couldn't agree more.
'Life is so hard for you' -Sarah
-I was struggling- hard- with my beach chair in this moment. There were a few times during our trip that we needed to check each other on our circumstantial suffering. This one was a good reminder.
'I learned that somethings are out of my control. You think, you know that's true, then you learn how wrong you were about that' -Jenny
-It was Jenny's birthday and I asked her what she learned over the past year. This is what she said. In context, she's an amazing mother of 3, and she's had a difficult time over the past year finding the balance between things that she can and cannot control in a world raising 3 toddlers. Jenny was wiser than she knew, and each one of the girls on the retreat that hoped to someday have children got some take aways from the way she was open and honest about motherhood.
'Hold this intention in the present tense. And then build a lifestyle that allows for this.' -Alex
- Alex was the other yoga instructor and she said this during our yoga nidra class. She so elegantly described a way of living that forces you to be better all the time.
'Connection doesn't always have to look the way that I think it does' -me
-I wrote this one down after our final yoga class. This was a big take away for the whole trip for me. This, and the fact that's it's not all about me. I was struggling in the beginning because I felt like I was making connections with some of the people on the retreat, and not with others. What I realized, though was that while I wasn't the one connecting with them, that didn't mean they weren't connecting with those on the trip, that they were meant to. It's not all about me, just because I'm not the one helping them through an emotional release, or helping them understanding something about themselves, or helping them reconnect with themselves- that doesn't mean it's not happening. And ultimately that's all that matters. I also realized that connection doesn't have to be verbal. My 11th grade spanish skills only got me so far, but it didn't matter. I tried hard to erase the language barrier with eye contact, touch, and inflection. And it worked! Those that were helping me, understood how grateful I was to them. Those that I helped, seamlessly expressed their appreciation for me. And this happened more often then not. Wallets were forgotten on tables, phones were dropped, directions were needed.. and every time someone was leaping to the rescue to help. And I think that's beautiful. Again, I'm not completely sure how this trip will change me until it does. But, what's exciting is how excited I am about that. It feels like I have a change on my horizon and for the first time in a while, I'm excited about it, instead of terrified.
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