Ok, confession: when I initially thought about, and signed
up to go heli-skiing in Alaska I thought we were just- going on a ski
trip. ‘I like skiing’ I thought ‘doing that
in Alaska would be cool’. Ok, second
confession: I asked every single person that I knew if they thought it was a good
idea. And the response varied across the
board
‘Hell yeah! That’s awesome!’
‘Wait, Alaska?! You can’t ski that, can you?’
‘Are you going to jump out of the helicopter?’
And my response to each person only eased his or her
anxiety.
‘Yeah, thanks! It is
awesome’
‘Well, I’m sure going to try’
‘As far as I know- no one has ever jumped out of the
helicopter’
None of this did much to ease my own, though. I actually started this process with a lot of
‘maybes’ and a lot of questions. Am I
good enough to handle it? How am I going
to get off of work? Do I want to invest
my time and money into this or something more socially acceptable? Then I was talking to a coworker about the
trip and he said something that has carried me though the trip ‘wait, what if
you did go?’ he said ‘picture for 5
seconds, yourself actually going’. And
so I did… and something felt so right about it.
So, immediately after those 5 seconds I started planning. Things started falling into place, airplanes
booked, time off of work, ready, set, go.
It wasn’t until I actually got here that I realized this
trip was about so much more than skiing.
It was about letting go, and holding on, and erasing ‘shoulds’ and
‘maybes’ from my vocabulary. For the longest
time I was the kind of person that needed an opinion from everyone before I did
something. It didn’t matter much what
their opinion was, it just mattered that I heard it. I’ve spent my entire life doing the things
that people want me to, or that are socially acceptable. I think they call that a ‘people pleaser’.
I first got to the airport with my typical ‘what the hell
did I just get myself into’ attitude, but upon landing I realized what it
was. I got myself into a week of education
from Lynsey, the other girls around me, our guide, and the mountains. Open and honest communication is an essential
tool of the backcountry. If you sense
something is wrong and don’t speak up you are not only risking your life but
those around you as well. These tools
paralleled into our moment-to-moment activities and interactions easily. We all were quickly on a journey together
exploring conversation topics such as saying yes, leaning into the unknown, life,
love, and cereal. Ok, third
confession: I didn’t realize how
difficult it has been for me, in the past, to say yes. Something about this trip felt right though
and made it easy, and boy am I glad I did.
Our guide Harlan was not only our mountain guide but our
spiritual guide as well. He spoke of the
hero’s journey; saying yes, leaving home, and conquering our own personal
demons- which struck a different cord in each of us since we were all here for
different reasons. We were encouraged to
speak up when we were feeling something, which gave me the confidence to speak
up on top of the mountain. I consider
myself a pretty good skier but the day before had been long and on our final
run I got caught up in some slough and lost a ski. We looked for a little bit but eventually
Harlan and I had to tandem ski to the helicopter landing zone to end our
day. Tandem skiing in 12 inches of
powder- not easy, and wasn’t something that was on my bucket list until I did
it. I didn’t think something like that
would affect me until the next morning when we were rushed out of bed for a few
runs before the weather went bad. Having
to skip morning meditation and stretchy time after the way that we ended the
previous day left me unsettled. And you
know what’s funny… I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. I could tell that one of my new sisters was feeling the same way. Feeling that for myself and as
a part of her- and speaking up about it- made it so that everyone was safe in
the mountains. And, if you’ve never done
grounding and meditation practices on top of a mountain, while heli skiing in
Alaska, with Lynsey and Harlan, I suggest you give it a try. Oh, and did I mention that we were late
getting to the helicopter because there were 7 yellow lab puppies outside of
our door? Mountains, skiing, puppies,
friendship… if that’s not caught between heaven and earth, I don’t know what is.
Lynsey was also an amazing role model. She showed us how to be strong both mentally
and physically. Before our very first
run she was there telling us to feel our feet on the ground and to breathe into
our toes. She stood up for her girls
when it mattered, and with poise and grace.
She taught us to ski from our vaginas, keep our shoulders pointing down
the hill, and that you ski better when you're wearing jeans. The way that she honestly and openly talks
about the sport of skiing and the things in life that make her scared and vulnerable
is inspiring and rare. And, even though
we had to wait for her to make 5 trips to do anything… at least the girl can
write a mean rap about Alaska. I’m
incredibly grateful that she feels drawn to spreading the lessons of the
mountains with others, and I don’t know that I will ever be able to show her
just how unique that is.
I don’t suspect that I’ll know how it is that I’ve changed
until it comes out of me. There will be
a time and place when I surprise myself and I’ll smile knowing that I had the
spirit of this trip with me. I did set
intentions for life post Alaska though; I will seek less validation for my
choices, I will challenge the ‘shoulds’, ‘maybes’, and anything that doesn’t
have me saying ‘fuck yeah!’ I will continue to follow my sense of adventure
(after all- it is what got me here), and I will play the manifest game a lot
more J. I
won’t ever forget the lessons that I’ve collected on this trip. I learned how to search with an avalanche
beacon, I learned how to let go of the things in life that hold me back, I
learned that my intuition matters and I need to speak up when it is telling me
something. I learned that sometimes you
need to take a detour on a run to play magical unicorns … and most importantly,
I learned that following your own path in life is important, whether it is
rocky or smooth, wobbly or stable, it’s yours and that’s what makes it so
special. <3
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