Ok, so I guess I've started doing this thing to myself where I sit in airports and write about how I'm feeling what I'm about to do. Don't travel bloggers do that?
That's not the purpose of this.. this is meant to be a way for me to share my adventures through Alaska with my friends from home (did I mention I'm on my way to ALASKA!?!), as well as relieve some of the anxiety that I'm feeling about the entire trip.
Wait.. Alaska? Yeah, Alaska!- I had no idea a place like that would be on my bucket list, until I was thinking about going there. The story of how I ended up going isn't nearly as exciting as the idea of going. At least to me. I don't know much about it (hence high anxiety) but here's what I do know: I'll be heliskiing, I'll be with one of my favorite pro skiers and 4-8 other people, I'll be in Haines, Alaska, I have to take a seaplane to get there, the weather is going to be a little unpredictable, aaaaaaaand that's about it. Oh, and I'm going heliskiing!!! <- not enough emphasis on this.
Here are a few of the feelings I'm going through in the airport while trying to distract myself by playing the 'where are they going?' game with the strangers around me:
Anxious 7.5/10- what if this was all a scam and I show up in Haines and no one is there to pick me up? what if the weather is so bad we can't ski? what if I'm so bad at skiing that I get laughed out of the trip? what if everything goes wrong? I keep having these imposter syndrome feelings and I fairly convinced that at any point along this journey someone is going to come up to me and be like 'hahaha yeahhhhh sorry about all that- you're not actually going'. -> but here I am still so- so far, so good.
Hungry 3/10- I just ate at skinny pancake, but for some reason.. still a little hungry- I think this might just be an under lying feeling that I'm just always walking around with.
Scared 5/10- there is a certain amount of danger in heliskiing and avalanches, and just being outside in general, so yeah.. some of those feeling thrown in there.
EXCITED 1387345/10- in order to put this into context for those that may not understand, for skiers heliskiing is the ultimate act of faith and love to the sport. For skiers, heliskiing is proposing to your partner with 2 pennies in your pocket. For skiers, heliskiing is paying the utmost homage to the mountains and all of the beautiful, awesome, glory. Lynsey Dyer (*favorite pro skier and the one I'm going wtih) just made a similar post (about loving the sport and the mountains and Alaska- not the high anxiety of going) and if she feels that way about heliskiing in Alaska, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL!?
Other things I'm excited about: the scenery in Alaska, taking a sea plane, eating some delicious food, spending a week with people who are heliskiing, learning more about Lynsey's non-profit, and I'm sure a bunch of things that I don't even know are coming.
Grateful 10/10- I'm grateful that I have a body that is prepared for this. I'm grateful that I have a work environment that is conducive to a trip like this. I'm grateful that I have the financial stability to pay for this. I'm grateful that I have friends and family that are being so incredibly supportive of a wild trip like this. And I'm grateful that I had a mom that raised me to reject the idea that feminism needs to get in the way of your goals.
Proud of myself 10/10- This is now either the 2nd or 3rd (depending how you count them) times that I've thrown myself into situations that have made me tirelessly uncomfortable, but one realllllly important thing I learned about life as soon as I got out of college is super cliche. 'Get comfortable being uncomfortable'... and that's exactly what I'm doing. It make me pretty uncomfortable to think that in less then 24 hours I may be throwing myself down a 5000 foot mountain in some of the deepest snow, and most vertical I ever have, just for a big smile at the end. But, 'life happens at the edge of your comfort zone' and other cliche instagram sayings like that may sound cheesy when you hear them but they hold water in situations like this one- at least that's what I think. And this isn't your blog, it's mine.
If anything, this vacation is giving me more than one reason to practice my present minded thinking as well, so if you don't mind that'll be all for now. I'll be over here- in this moment.
PS the guy right next to me is staring into space with nothing apparent to do. No headphones, no computer, no phone. Will check to make sure he's not a mannequin in 5 minutes- I'll update you.
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